Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Traveling Salesman

Strongbow was looking through the goods that where being offered at the local auction house and saw a bow that just screamed out his name.  He had to have it or so he thought.  The good news it that it seemed to have been in the auction house for a long time so maybe it would still be around long enough for him to earn the gold to buy it.  The bad news was it cost 600 gold and our beloved hero never seemed to be able to hold on to gold for any extended time.  This meant, while he had lots of money in terms of how much food he could afford, he did not have anywhere near the amount he would need for the bow.

He walked out of the auction house slowly with his head hunched down in sadness and Fang followed suit looking like a sad cat.  A big, sad, cute cat.  They started walking around Dalaran not really paying attention to where they were going when they got confronted by two guards.

"You are not welcome here Tauren."
"Oh, excuse me, I did not realize where I was going.  I'll leave."
"That's right you will leave." The guard said as he pushed him back out to the entrance.

After being told he could not enter an area that was wide open it occurred to him that it seems every place all over the world actually seems very welcoming, even the ones that do not take kindly to guests.  Why does everyone have these wide open doorways if they do not want guests.  It confused him but it also gave him an idea.

Sometime later...

"So do you think you can do it Gnome?"
"It is only a plank of wood.  I am an engineer, why don't you do it yourself?"
"Because I need it to open and close.  Not everyone is big like me where they can just pick it up and move it."
"I still don't understand where you are going with this Tauren but I'll do the job for you."

Strongbow had come up with the perfect idea to make money.  He will sell doors.  There are no doors anywhere really and that would keep unwanted guests out easily.  Hundreds if not thousands of open doorways where all over the world and each one of them needs a door.  He could make a lot of money here.  An open door is an invitation him mother always told him.  What his mother never mentioned was that sometimes it was an invitation to die from people that did not like you.

A week later...

"So as you can see this door will fit nicely into the entrance so you never need to worry about people just walking in any more." He said with his pitch.
"HELP!"
"I am not trying to hurt you, I am trying to sell you a door."
"HELP, a Tauren is trying to kill me, please help."
"I am not trying to kill you, I am trying to sell you a door."
"Please go away, I do not want your door, I just do not want you here."
"If you had a door I would have not been able to just walk in like this.  See what I mean?  A door can keep unwanted guests out."
"You mean unwanted guests like you?"
"Yes.  So will you buy one."
"Guards!"
"No, no, we do not need guards, for only 50 gold you can have yourself a door and never have to deal with traveling Taurens like me again."
"50 gold?, if I give you 50 gold will you just leave me be and not kill me?"
"I am not going to kill you anyway, but yes, I will leave if you buy one."

The human hands over 50 gold while shivering in fear still and Strongbow leans the door on the side of the house.  He was wondering why no guards came.  That human was really screaming a lot.  Someone had to have heard.  Maybe this would not be as hard as he thought it would be.  Maybe ear plugs might help some however.  Why does everyone have to scream?

Two weeks later...

With a satchel full of gold and all the doors he had made gone Strongbow headed to the auction house to get the bow he was looking for.  The bow was gone so sadly there was nothing to spend all his hard earned gold on now.  It looked like there would be a big meal in the near future for Fang and himself as that is normally where all his gold went.  Maybe he should go back to the Gnome and invest some more in doors so he can go around selling them to make even more money. 

He had actually gotten used to all the screaming and occasional stabbing from a pitchfork or some other farming utensil.  He would be a traveling salesman.  This was something he could really get into.  It would give him an excuse to see more of the world.  He started to get lost in thought standing in the auction house when he heard something.

"Pssst, hey you, big guy."
"Me?"  Strongbow said pointing to himself as Fang growled.
"Yeah, you.  Are you the one making the surf boards?"
"Surf boards?  No."
"You mean you did not make these?" The Goblin said pointing to a few doors.
"Yes, I made those doors, where did you get them?"
"Doors?  They are surf boards.  I got them from a few people that said some big Tauren with an orange cat sold them to them against their will."
"???"
"Well I want more, can you make me more?  These things are selling like hotcakes."
"I... guess I can make you more."
"Just make them without these latch things on them and these knob things on them."
"Okay. I can do that, but then they will not open and close easy"
"Why would a surf board need to open and close Tauren?"

Strongbow was genuinely confused.  They were doors, they were a fantastic idea.  Everyone in Azeroth had their doorways open, this would keep unwanted visitors out.  Why did everyone he sell them to get rid of them?  He decided that it would be better to roll with the punches then question it and make some surf boards for the goblin.

Even if everyone else hated them Strongbow made sure to put one on his abode.  Now he and Fang could eat in peace.  No worries about unwanted visitors.  Maybe the idea of a door is just too soon for Azeroth, but some day it would be huge.  He just knew it.  It made no sense for everything to be so, open.  So ends the short tenure of Strongbow, Traveling Salesman.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Don't Eat The Glowing Meat.

A grumbling sound filled the room while Strongbow slept right through it.  Passersby were stopping and looking being it was so loud but he heard nothing.  He was sound asleep in a hammock in the underbelly of Dalaran having the best sleep he has had in what seems like months and nothing was going to wake him up.  Not even if Dalaran had suddenly fallen from the sky.

The grumbling was coming from Fang.  As his custom was, Fang ate everything, he liked everything, everything did not like him however.  He was having kitty nightmares along with his own grumbling stomach and that led to what is commonly refereed to as sleep running syndrome or as Strongbow would say, "What is wrong you you Fang, do you have kick the Tauren Syndrome?"

And so it started.  People watched as Fang was running in his sleep and basically kicking Strongbow in the back while doing so.  If the sound was not enough to wake him surely being kicked over and over would do so right?  Not exactly.  As Fang was kicking Strongbow was adjusting as if he were getting a massage of some sort.  He turned a little to his left, Fang kicked more, then he adjusted again, Fang kicked more, then he adjusted once more and Fang kicked again which was enough to shift Strongbow's weight in the hammock and after a full 360 it rocked a little more and bam, Strongbow was laying face down on the wooden floor.

"Fang?" He said in a low, calm tone, as he turned to untangle his caught foot, "Wake up Fang!"

He pulls at his caught foot as hard as he can and finally gets it out from being tangled up with a thump on the ground.  He shakes Fang a few times but it seems that Fang is out like a light, just like he was only a few moments earlier.  He leans down and picks Fang up and places him in the hammock.

"Keep that warm for me Fang, I'll be right back." 

Strongbow walked up to the stables and there was only one person there.  The little Gnome did not really look like a doctor but maybe he could help Strongbow figured.  He explained that Fang was not feeling well and kicking in his sleep again.  He tried to mend his pet himself.  He checked for any known poisons or diseases he might have and found nothing.

"Have you tried taking him to a Priest?" The Gnome asked.
"He is not dying, he is sick."
"A priest might be able to heal him for you."
"He needs an animal doctor not a person doctor.  When will the animal doctor be in?"
"She will be here at 8 AM if you want to come back.  She does charge for a visit however so if you want to make an appointment be aware you are going to need to pay."
"That is okay.  I'll pay, please make the appointment for me."
"Done, I will see you at 8 AM then."

Strongbow when back to the underbelly and laid in the hammock across from Fang staring at the ceiling as he worried about Fang.  He could hear Fangs claws tapping against the wooden walls as he started to go through remembering all the stuff he had eaten that day.  A squirrel or two that he found running around Dalaran.  A bunny that he got yelled at for eaten.  A few pieces of rhino, some mammoth, some fish that Strongbow had cooked that he shared with him, and some other assorted raw meat.

Nothing out of the normal from what he could think of.  Fang eats like that every day but it had to be something he ate.  As the time passed and it got closer to 8 AM he got up and walked to the sewers to watch some of the people training their skills when he noticed some of the rats walking around the area where glowing.

"That's it!" He yelped.
"Fang, wake up." He yelled as he ran back to the hammocks.

Fang woke up and kitty stretched then jumped out of the hammock and gave a big yawn.  He stomach growled at him and he patted at Strongbows satchel.   That meant he was hungry, but his stomach was still grumbling, loudly even.  Strongbow lead him up to the stables where he was to meet the doctor.

When he walked in he saw a female Gnome, this must be the doctor he thought to himself, and started rambling about Fang eating some glowing rats in the sewers as soon as he walked in.  After he stopped talking long enough to look around he noticed the other guy was not there, the one that had taken this appointment for him.

"Hey Doctor, where did the Gnome guy that was here last night go?"
"He went home.  Did he tell you it would be 5 gold?"
"You look a lot like him, is he your brother?"
"5 gold please."
"Wait a second, you are him and not a her aren't you?"
"Your pet will DIE if you do not pay me 5 gold."
"You will die if you keep lying to me, I know you are him.  Where is the doctor?"
"I'll tell you for 5 gold."
"Aaaaahhhhhhh!"

Strongbow turns around and notices Fang is gone at the exact moment that he hears a scream coming from the north back.  Within seconds Fang turns the corner dashing toward him with a huge grin on his face.

"There is a huge pile of glowing shit in the middle of the bank!" The voice screamed out.

Strongbow smirks and kneels down giving Fang a pat on the head and rubbing his belly.

"Are you feeling better now Fang?"

Fang jumps up on him and starts to lick his face.

"I'll take that as a yes.  Next time you feel like that Fang, go in here."  He said pointing to the stables where the cross dressing Gnome is standing in the doorway.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

You want me to kill what?

My stomach is starting to rumble.  It's been a few days since I had a good meal and I am still pretty far from home.  Maybe I can stop somewhere and pick up some handy man jobs to get a few silver for some good food.  This on the road food leaves a lot to be desired, Fang is lucky, he eats anything.  Like whatever it is he is eating over there.  Did he kill that?

"Fang!  Come over here boy.  We are going to make our way over to that village to the south.  They seem like some friendly fellows.  Maybe we can get some work so I can stop sharing your food."

Fang came running up to his master happily.  Jumping to his side where he has been since they first met over a year ago. It was a typical meeting of hunter and pet.  Fang was doing what cats do best, hunting passing critters, when Strongbow walked up to him.  He attacked Strongbow but Strongbow never fought back.  He clawed at him a few times and even bit him once or twice but Strongbow never laid a hand on him.  After a short time he realized this Tauren was his friend and not an enemy and he pledged his allegiance to him. Well, not right away.  After Strongbow threw him a few slices of bear meat he knew that this was a friendship he would have forever.

That guy looks like he is in need of some help.  Maybe I can offer him my services.  I have a few copper so I can get some provisions for whatever task it is most likely.  I hope he can use my services.  My coin purse is a bit light lately.

"Excuse me good Sir Orc. rumor has it that you are in need of the services of an adventurer."
"Indeed Hunter I am.  The alliance has setting up camp to the east and I would like to see some of their numbers dwindle.  I would gladly pay you 20 silver if you can kill 12 laborers for me.  It will slow down their building efforts."
"Deal.  I'll take the job, thank you."

Now to find some place to buy some food. I have a few coins and I need to take some with me in case this adventure takes a while.  I do not know how far east this camp is.  It might be a long trip and at least I know I'll have 20 silver coming to me.

"Get your fresh food here.  Fresh food here."
"Excuse me, can I see your goods?"
"Sure thing Hunter.  I have all your needs right here."
"How much for... a... 20 of those?"
"I'd be willing to part with 20 of those for 1 silver 8 copper."

That was not bad at all.  Never seen this kind of food before.  I sure hope it is good.  Last time I tried something new I was stuck in the bushes for three days trying to recover.  Road food is not always safe and neither is vendor food sometimes.

After a long trek to the east that saw our beloved hero fighting his way through spiders and boars and countless other beasties of indeterminate species he finally had the camp mentioned in his sights.  It was getting late, a 4 hour trip there alone, so he set up camp with Fang and the intention to get an early jump on the laborers in the morning.

The food he had gotten from the vendor was horrible to say the least but at least it did not give him an upset stomach this time.  Looks like once again he will be sharing the scraps of meat he had picked up along the way to feed fang.  He thought to himself that one day he needs to take the time to learn how to prepare this into a more edible food for him.  Fang doesn't mind, he eats everything.

Morning came and Strongbow woke up to Fang licking his ears.  Fang was ready for the day so that meant he needed to be ready for that day too.

The laborers were all over the place.  Strongbow would need to make sure he put all his abilities to use if he was going to take out these laborers.  They might not be fighters like he is but they will surely be to much for him to handle if he has to take them on in mass.  They have the numbers.  He tells Fang to hide behind a rock as he starts to sneak up to get a shot in on one of the laborers.

Twang! The arrow rings out as it catches the Laborer in the back.  Strongbow runs behind the rock with Fang hoping that only that one laborer will come.  As soon as he can hear the footsteps, and from the sounds of it there is only one set of footsteps, he tells Fang to attack.  Fang jumps out from behind the rock and attacks the laborer followed shortly after by Strongbow putting a few arrows into the back of his head.  That was a nice quick kill.

Rifling through the pockets of the recently deceased he finds a few pieces of cloth and some copper.  This routine continues for a while, two, three and four laborers lured and killed.  Five, six and then seven down.  Each with a few copper pieces on them and a few with some cloth.  None with anything else of consequence but still worth picking up to see if he can sell at a vendor when he gets back.

He and Fang take a small break to get something to eat having worked up an appetite from all that killing.  Strongbow always tells Fang that killing is hungry work.  He figures from where the sun is currently in the sky that he has more then enough time to kill five more laborers and can still get back to the village before night fall.

Some time later...

"I have returned Sir Orc, 12 laborers have fallen to my bow and my trusty companion's sharp teeth.  May I please collect my bounty."
"Sure thing Hunter.  Excellent work, here is your 20 silver."
"It was a pleasure doing business with you Sir Orc."
"I do have another task should you be interested in more work Hunter."

Strongbow thinks for a moment to himself knowing that he just finished a long journey.  He had planned to sell off whatever he could that he gathered from the trip first either way.  His bags where near full with things he had collected from the dozens of creatures he had to slay along his way not to mention the items he had looted from the little adventure he was sent on.  After a moment of thought he figured he could at least listen to the task the Orc had to offer and even if he decides to take it he can sleep here for the night before heading out again in the morning.

"I might be intersted Sir Orc, what would you have of me?"
"The building efforts of the alliance over at the camp to the east has progressed.  I need someone to go there and kill 8 Scouts and 8 Knights.  I will pay you 28 silver for completing this task."
"You want me to kill WHAT?"
"8 Scouts and 8 Knights at the alliance camp."
"The one I was just at?"
"Yes."
"Why didn't you tell me to kill them while I was there?  Do you know how long it took to get there?  Do you know how many battles I had to endure just to make my way to the camp?"
"Oh, sorry.  So will you do it?"
"No!"

Strongbow walked away to head to the vendor to sell off his goods and then find a place to get a good nights sleep.  Maybe things will look different in the morning and he will reconsider.

"Why do all these people like to waste my time Fang?"
"Grrrr"
"Yeah, I know, lets go get some real food."